Soccer or Football?

I’ve finally realised what I cant stand about soccer, other than the fact Australia got ripped off at the world cup, I cant stand goalies. If they could get rid of the damn goalies then there would be so many more goals and it would be so much more fun to watch. Just when your team is on a roll, youre sure theyre going to score theres a bloke at the end who’s allowed to cheat and use his hands. On another note, my euro trash soccer fanatical mates can’t stand it when they hear anyone call their game “soccer”, “its football” they bark at you. Well excuse me you winging Pom or you arrogant German friend, I was brought up playing rugby bloody league and rugby freakin union, mens games we here call football. Games where men are real hard hitting tackling men and not poncey Georgio Armarni underpant and perfume modelling girlie men. Soccer will never be as big in Australia because its for wusses. The only reason why we are interested in it once every four years is because the rest of the world is. I also cant stand the little whining pussies who are pleading for a penalty roll around on the ground screaming when their ankle is looked at the wrong way by a member of the opposing team. Just like Italy did against us in the last SOCCER World Cup. Im sure if Australia beat Ghana tonight I will love Soccer-ball (thats my compromise soccer name) again and I will probably take all of this back. Go the Soccer-roos. Or should I say the Football-roos.


Mike Goldman Actor, TV Host.


  1. MaryJane says:

    RUGBY FTW!! men running into each other at full force.. soo much more entertaining

  2. jono says:

    I cant believe you would say this about GODS game. You colonial types need to get with the times FOOTBALL is the most popular game in the world and I am disgusted that you would trash it like you have.
    I do however think you are a funny bastard so its ok……

  3. Soccer is sooooooooo booooooooring because of all the oooooooooo scorelines. At least in Afl, Rugby & NRL something gets a score of more than 1

  4. louise says:

    rugby league rules soccer is gay

  5. I’m Rugby. I was indoctrinated by a Qld Private School and genetically modified such that I am unable to say “soccer” without a small lisp. I know it’s an international game. I know it’s HUGE. I know the players are magnificently skilled. I get it. I still can’t watch a full game. After 20 minutes I understand the frustration that turns reasonable men into hooligans who reduce to kindling both stadiums and small English towns with names like Pudberry on Gint alike. I lost two layers of dental enamel just watching the highlights this morning. I am a Football luddite. Pity me.

    We ‘ve got it! No they have it, We’ve got it!, no no, they have it. We’ve got it ! We’re getting close to the-, they have it again, no the goalie has it. He’s chucked it, we have it! Damn they have it. AH! He’s kicked it at our goalie! He missed it. We have it, they have it. (and repeat ad infinitum until some poor schmuck in the crowd finally goes insane and sparks a massive riot)

  6. I’m sure if they were girls playing soccer and they lifted their shirts, I’m sure you’d enjoy it Mikey!

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