Australia’s most watched house is empty so Big Bro needs you to live in it for a while and maybe win some cash.
If you get in you could well become a household name and get to do fun things like Dreamworld appearances.
Last year I had to fill in for a celebrity housemate who couldn’t do the full day of appearances in the spare diary room chair just outside the Big Brother amphitheatre.
I was like Santa Claus but without the presents. The letdown on kids faces is burnt into my mind.
“Mum, what happened to Benjaman, I want the funny housemate, who’s this guy”, they would say.
The mums knew, they remembered my shows, “Friday Night Live” and “Big Brother Up Late” god bless them.
If you want to be on on the 2014 edition heres my tips for auditions :
Dont bite your tongue
If anyone is a big mouth stand up to them
Talk to other people you don’t know auditioning
Wash yourself properly before going to auditions
Eat and take some food and drink to auditions
Bring a pillow
Bring a tea towel
Sing loudly while waiting
Speak in a made up language the whole time
Actually I really have no Idea if any of those tips will help. One good idea is to take chocolate bars and give them to the executive producers as a bribe. Especially the chubby pommy one, he loves chocolate. BUT SERIOUSLY
This is by far the biggest and most successful television show in the world. 14 years since we started and still pumping in over 40 countries.
Every year a different show, with different people, love affairs, insults, shocks, tears, fights, laughs, different tasks and challenges. PLUS the stunning Sonia Kruger hosting up a storm. Oh and of course yours truly will be there voice-overing and doing my thing at the live shows. Come and say hello!!
Me in my voiceover booth at Big Brother. It smells a little bit, don’t go in there.
This year, if you think know someone who would be awesome on the show, NOMINATE THEM! Just send their photo, name, number and why you think they should be on the show to email@example.com
They will probably hate you at first but deep down they’ll be flattered and it will be the best thing that they ever did. They’ll love you for it.
Yes you probably think I’m about to tell you about the most amazing show on the planet that is Big Brother and that the auditions are on right now.
Well, I’m not. I want to tell you about this revolutionary new TV thing I just saw in the USA called Battle Cam.
Actually, since they pay me I’d better give it a quick plug. Auditions are NEXT WEEK!!!
ALL applicants (including those who submitted a video online) will need to bring their registration form & ID to one of the following days on the Housemate Hunt:
PERTH – Thursday, April 4 (Crown Perth – Formerly Burswood Casino) (11AM – 7PM)
MELBOURNE DAY 1 – Saturday, April 6 (Rydges Bell City Preston) (8AM – 4PM)
MELBOURNE DAY 2 – Sunday, April 7 (Rydges Bell City Preston) (8AM – 4PM)
ADELAIDE – Thursday, April 11 (Adelaide Showground, Ridley Centre) (11AM – 7PM)
SYDNEY DAY 1 – Saturday, April 13 (Australian Technology Park) (8AM – 4PM)
SYDNEY DAY 2 – Sunday, April 14 (Australian Technology Park) (8AM – 4PM)
NEWCASTLE – Tuesday, April 16 (Newcastle Panthers) (11AM – 7PM)
BRISBANE– Saturday, April 20 (Pullman King George Square) (8AM – 4PM)
GOLD COAST – Sunday, April 21 (Jupiters Gold Coast) (8AM – 4PM)
WHAT IF YOU LIVE MORE THAN 500KM FROM THESE LOCATIONS?
If you live more than 500km from any of the above locations Big Brother will accept your registration form and video instead of seeing you in person at this stage. If Big Brother likes what he sees, you will be contacted and flown in for the phase 2 audition process. Please select this option on your registration form. If you are unsure if this applies to you please email us at firstname.lastname@example.org
SO onto BATTLE CAM!!
Battle Cam is free to air TV KILM Channel 64 Los Angeles started by an eccentric Greek Billionaire by the name of Alki David.
He looks like a whole lot of fun this guy.
Basically you buy a $10 camera from battlecam.com for the top of your TV and you battle it out for your 5 minuites of fame in a split screen challenge against other people. The public vote live from their lounge room and if the love you you stay, if they “poop” you, that means you’re kicked off. The longer you stay on camera the more money you earn. Yes, they pay you actual cash! I think its like $10 every time your’re on or something.
In a publicity stunt recently Alki David offered US one million dollars for anyone who would do a nudie run in front of president Obama with Battle Cam written on their chest. One guy did it but the President didn’t see it, so no cash for the nutbag. You think thats mental, a terminally ill man with brain cancer will died in front of millions of people when the TV station was just online.
Nikolai Ivanisovich, 62, was given the lethal injection by a doctor at a clinic in Switzerland. Its only a matter of time till someone does something stupid on this channel like chops off a finger or worse, kills someone or themselves. Oh, hang on, that already happened.
So I watched Battle Cam for about three hours last night and It’s a lot like my show I host called Big Brother up late. NOTHING HAPPENS FOR AGES!!! But when it does it’s really exciting. When I host or voice Big Brother Up Late we look for the one on one conversations a lot of the time because it’s a lot less convoluted and people are more likely to be more open. So in that aspect Battle Cam works really well with two people on two different cams at all times.
I watched people talk about their love life, a guy with tattoos all over his face talk about why he did it, watched a guy put pins through his hand, an ex playboy bunny interview an old guy about his life, its very different to any sort of television I’ve ever seen. I can honestly say that it has a future. Only real problem is it can get quite boring. So the concept needs to evolve. I think they need hosts there 24/7 that are up to speed with all conversations going on so they can pop on screen occasionally. Or have a break from Battle Cam and put on my dating show using their battle cam’s for contestants maybe. Check it out if you haven’t seen it!
See you on the next series of the greatest show in the world!!
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